Have You Had the Mystery Burger?

by John Manimas Medeiros  ( a short dramatization, April 2015)

Cashier:  "Good Afternoon.  Would you like our special today, the Mystery Burger?"

[You] Customer:  "What is it?"

Cashier:  "Hah Hah.  Can't tell you that.  That's why it's a mystery burger."

Customer:  "What else can I get?"

Cashier:  "Sorry.  That's it.  The mystery burger is fantastic and was chosen for you by Global Agribusiness Incorporated, and the Food and Drug Administration, and the Environmental Protection Agency, and the United States House of Representatives.  So.  You don't need to worry your pretty little head about what to choose.  We made the choice for you.  The mystery burger is the same thing.  It's the same.  Nothing is different.  It is exactly the same thing that you would order if you made the choice yourself, but WE made the choice for you, to save time, and money, and all the trouble and fuss that goes into making a choice.  Your mind is FREE now.  That's the NEW FREE, no choice to make.  The mystery burger is not free, but you are free to buy it with no further delay."

Customer:  "The mystery burger.  Sounds fishy."

Cashier:  "How many would you like?  Small, medium, larger, super, enormous, global, or banquet size?  How about one for you grandmother?"

Grandma (standing beside customer):  (With sour, puzzled face, shakes head slowly indicating "NO"

Customer:  "I don't get it.  Are we on "Candid Camera"?  This is a joke, right?  I'm supposed to choose what I want to buy, right?"

Supevisor:  (Steps up to the counter/register)  Is there a problem here, Sir? 

Grandma:  (Shakes head indicating "Yes."

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